If you're planning to volunteer as a friendly visitor in a nursing home, or are already doing so, follow these suggestions to help ensure positive interactions.

GENERAL TIPS

-Initially call ahead to the unit where the person resides, to find out the best time of day to visit.

-Plan to visit when you are not rushed for time.

-Hold your visits in varying areas of the facility, such as the lobby, coffee shop or dining area and courtyard, to give the person a change of scenery.

-Position yourself at eye level, face to face. Ensure you are close enough and speaking loudly enough that the person can adequately see and hear you.

-Actively listen to what the person has to tell you. Express interest in their daily activities, and allow them to vent their feelings about their situation.

-Encourage reminiscing. This stimulates the mind and evokes pleasant feelings.

-Tell some jokes or a funny true story, or bring in a humorous videotape to watch together, for it's true that laughter is good medicine.

-If conversation is difficult or impossible, share news about current events, read aloud or listen to music together. Sit in the lobby and people-watch. Learn to become comfortable with silence.

-Check the recreational activities schedule for regular and special events, and accompany the person to something that interests them.

VISITING THE PERSON WITH DEMENTIA

Visiting a person who is mentally impaired can be particularly challenging. You may be unable to relate with them in the usual ways because of impaired communication abilities or memory problems. Visits can still be meaningful, however, if you adjust your expectations and use alternate ways of interacting. Following are some guidelines.

-Come prepared for any possible mood.

-Approach the person slowly and from the front, giving them time to see you coming. Make eye contact, and use touch as appropriate.

-Address the person by name, and identify yourself also. Be prepared that they may not recognize you or may not recall previous visits. (Do not quiz them, as this can cause frustration.) Rest assured that this does not make your presence any less valuable. Your visits not only provide mental stimulation, they validate the person as a unique and worthwhile individual.

-Find a quiet place to visit in order to avoid distractions, since over-stimulation leads to agitation.

-Speak slowly and clearly. Use simple words and sentences. Avoid cliches. Talk in a calm voice, using a low-pitched tone.

-Ask simple questions that require a short answer--preferably yes or no. Avoid posing questions that challenge their memory, such as "What did you have for lunch today?"

-Use body language--gestures, facial expressions, tone of voice, touch--to help get your message across.

-Don't argue when the person has their facts confused. If a conversation appears to be causing frustration, change the subject. If they become restless during an activity, try something else.

-Don't take verbal outbursts or other uncharacteristic behavior personally. Shorten a visit if it's going poorly--for example, if the person is irritable or tired.

IDEAS FOR ACTIVITIES:

-Watch a favorite television show or movie.

-Share a project, such as making a craft or sorting through family photos.

-Write a letter.

-Look through picture books that reflect past interests.

-Play cards or a board game.

-Play a musical instrument.

-Fill out forms--such as weekly menus--together.

-Write out or tape their family history.

-Make a family collage out of photos.

-Do a spring or fall cleaning of drawers and closets.

-Give a manicure, apply makeup, or set hair.

-Stroll outside.

-Bring your pet in to visit (find out the facility's policy first).

BIO: Lisa M. Petsche is a registered social worker in a geriatric health care facility, as well as a freelance writer.